I tanked this weekend.
I slipped so easily back into my old ways.
I wanted to touch on binge eating and how it is an addiction. Yes, I’ve read studies and reports about how it has been proven that food can be an addiction but I won’t be quoting any or referencing them either. This is because I’ve lived it. Since I was 14 years old. No one has to tell me it is an addiction, no one knows this more than me. Well, I’m sure some of you do but you get the point.
When you live 6-7 years on mainly fast food and frozen meals, you know nothing else. And grilled chicken and vegetables just won’t cut it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prepared and eaten a fresh, healthy meal only to wind up at Arby’s or Sonic an hour later because “it just didn’t fill me up.” I’ve even claimed that eating lean meats and vegetables every day for 4 days has made me feel “sick.” I’m a real piece of work. Well, was.
I’ve come so far. Even now when I “binge” or “cheat” it is still no where near what I used to take down. And I can’t tell you i had a great excuse for eating a million calories this weekend. I just kept thinking, “I’ll start back Monday.”
With all of that said, in a way I’m grateful for the crazy food weekend I had for one reason. I feel god awful. I’m sitting here in pain because I destroyed my stomach with all of this garbage. I’ve been lethargic and blah feeling all weekend. Heartburn, stomach pains, can’t stop sleeping and in a crappy mood. All because I wanted to eat anything I could get my hands on. Was it worth it? Hell. No. So, in the words of Frank Reynolds, “it’s time to cut the crust off of this shit sandwich.” And remember this feeling. And never let it happen again.
But first, let’s look back at all of the beautiful, terrorizing foods I consumed this weekend.
It is INSANE how great I feel when I eat fresh, good for you food. And if I had the intense will power to eat a Paleolithic diet, I would in a heartbeat. However, there are just some things I will not give up. Call me weak, that’s fine. But when I break down my weekly foods (when I’m eating the way I should be), I eat about 70% clean and fresh, 30% not. And this is all I want. And I’m very happy at that level. 70/30 makes ME feel wonderful. And awake. And happy.
This, to me, is a very healthful, fresh grocery list that I can feel good about. And that is exactly the plan for the week. We already had non gmo chicken and tilapia at the house. I’m going to keep things more simple for awhile. A lean protein every night with lots of veggies, fruit and wraps or salads for lunch.
Something that may be a bit controversial, but that I felt was necessary, is slim fast’s extra protein shakes. I was eating oatmeal every single morning for breakfast. And while oatmeal is not necessarily bad for you, it has a lot of extra carbs and no protein so I was starving by 11 and tired.
These bad boys will be almost my only dairy besides the minuscule cheese I use on salads. And clocking in at 20 grams of protein and only 3 carbs, I refuse to say no. Added bonus: I don’t have to do anything. Just open it up and go to town.
I feel like it’s obvious but I want to re-iterate. I am here firstly to simply lose weight. As I go, I would love to try and eat a more clean, less dairy, less wheat diet. But my first concern is a healthy weight. One thing at a time. And I’d say considering what I used to eat every day, I’m doing okay. Sorry for disappearing on you. I just felt ashamed. Weigh in Friday! And I have a recipe this week for you all. Sweet heat salmon bowls! Can’t wait!
Thanks to all of you guys who look at the blog and comment. The support means the absolute world to me and keeps me sane and going strong.