2015, so far….

Buckle up.

It started in September. I just wanted to simply establish myself as a patient at a primary care doctor. Because I was told I can’t keep using my obgyn as my primary everywhere I went. I’ve never been one to go to the doctor for much other than a yearly and when I was feverish and sick as hell. The new doctor I met in September was super nice. We just chatted about my general health and she ordered blood work just to get an idea of where I was at. Standard procedure. I got a phone call that my white blood cell count was through the roof. And they said I had to be sick. I wasn’t. I reported back in a month to get more blood work to make sure it was just a fluke. Again, my white blood cell count was high. Not as high as before, but still too high to be normal. Again, I was told come back in 4-6 weeks for a re-check. Ugh, fine. So I did what I was told. Again, they were high. They said I probably need to go to an oncologist who specializes in blood disorders and cancers, but let’s just check ONE LAST TIME before we do that. At this point it was comical to me. Check check check check. $20 $20 $20 $20. I started to lose the desire to see a doctor at all. I just thought these people are nuts, I am fine. I have terrible allergies, that has to be why my blood work is showing abnormalities. LEAVE ME ALONE. I didn’t care about going anymore.

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Some people close to me said I was being stubborn and silly and I needed to see this through, so I did. So. It’s a few weeks before my appointment at a local cancer institute. I was getting big pamphlets in the mail from the cancer institute about cancer, how they will do everything to make the transition comfortable, etc. I was pissed. I mean, no one has ever even remotely mentioned anything that serious, as a matter of fact I was told this wasn’t a big deal, but somehow the cancer institute felt the need to scare the shit out of me, Mike and my close family. Not cool, cancer institute. Also, the week before my appointment, I noticed some blood in my bra. Again, me being the way I am, I brushed it off and chocked it up to dry skin. A few days later, it happened again. I half assedly mentioned it to the oncologist at my appointment as she was wrapping up with a plan to see what’s wrong with my blood. She flipped out. Made an immediate appointment 2 days later for me to see a breast specialist.

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To truly end your suffering of reading the most boring post of your life, I’ll try to give it to you in a nutshell. 500 appointments, 2 ultrasounds, 2 mammograms, 40 vials of blood, and 4 different women squeezing their damn hardest on my boob later, I still know absolutely not a lot. The only thing I am for certain of is that I am severely anemic, severely vitamin b12 deficient, my body is in a constant state of inflammation (with no idea why) and I’m wearing a really weird, clear plastic film over my right boob until a week from now when I have a terrifying procedure known as a ductogram, so they can find the growth responsible for my boob problems. Once located, they will surgically remove it and it will be biopsied. *Long, deep breath.*

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Needless to say, I haven’t been giving 2 craps about my diet. I haven’t been giving a crap about much of anything. I only see a few friends as of late. I truly just want to sleep most of the time. And I’ve been the worst person to be around because I’m a grumpy gus about everything that is going on. I haven’t told anyone about what is going on really. Only those who need to know. And I know I don’t have a ton of readers but I want to be as honest with myself and you as possible. I’m sick of being bogged down and letting it all get to me. So I’m trying to be proactive in getting back to normal.

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I’m going to talk to a therapist who my doctor recommends to people in these types of situations. Which I believe is witch craft. But she is very persistent so I’ll try it. I’m also going to be proactive in eating right. I eat pretty great most of the time, but I put weight loss on hold. And it can’t be on hold anymore. I have to put it first. I worry more about letting my friends down for not being around and worry about missing work for appointments more than I actually worry about my health and I know it’s not healthy.

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So, I guess I’m just writing this all out as a first step to coming clean. Getting it all out there. And starting over with what I was setting out to do in the first place. I’ll update you all on the rest of the appointments and procedures. I’m not worried that it is anything serious. I’m more worried about the annoyances and pain from all of the procedures than the actual outcome. I’m a huge sissy baby. I said it. Did all of the photos of food I’ve been eating lately help you through this terribly boring post? I sure hope so!

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Shout out to this guy for being my rock through everything.

Time to get back to it! A few new recipes coming your way his week!

Xo

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7 thoughts on “2015, so far….

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