The Dark Side

I’d like to take you to the dark side for a moment. This will not happen often AT ALL, I can assure you. I started this blog so I could be totally honest about the process and totally honest with myself. I owe it to you all to lay a lot out there so you know who I am as a person and why this struggle even began in the first place. It also helps for me to write it all out. They opened an “immediate psychiatrist” place by my mom’s house. It’s called My Couch or something super lame like that. I can’t quite fathom how often someone will go there. Lord knows I have my moments of mental breakdowns, but I wouldn’t go pay someone $200 to sit on their designer couch and talk it out. I’d bother my mother, Mike or my best friend Meg. They all have one thing in common aside from my undying love for them. They tell it like it is. AND NOW I have this super sweet corner of the internet to tell everything too. Free therapy.

Let’s start with the question why are you overweight? How did you get here? I’ve been asked that before in a sincere light. And I never quite know how to give a short answer. So let me backtrack and explain where I’m at exactly and then my thought is that it will all tie back together at the end.

I’ve mentioned previously I have a myriad of health problems. I’m an experimental doctors dream come true. I am allergic to EVERYTHING. Grass, plants, anything with fur, mold, pollen and dust. I have eczema. But only on my hands. Yay, the best area I could have it. I have mild polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was diagnosed in 7TH GRADE. I also have some NEW cool thing called hidradenitis suppurativa which is basically cyst like boils in my armpits, which appears when I sweat a lot. I have sleep apnea. I don’t snore every night. I only truly snore when my nose is stuffy, which is unfortunately a lot, but my sleep report states that I am only TRULY asleep HALF of the time I think I am. And last, but certainly not least, my body is overrun with yeast due to doctor’s chronically putting me on antibiotics because they don’t know what else to do. Basically, my quality of life is pretty darn not good. I think I do a good job of hiding it. Which can sometimes be pretty hard. Mike’s mom calls me a delicate flower. I like her take on it. 🙂

I believe my health problems partly stem from being raised on the most OVERLY processed foods you can find. My mom lost a lot of weight once (that’s her story to tell) and she did it during the heyday of the FAT FREE craze. She did it. And nothing in this whole wide world makes it any less than it is, and I still to this day admire her so much for it. At the time, she didn’t know any better. The world gives you fat free hot dogs on a golden platter, you eat the damn fat free hot dogs happily. So I grew up eating fat free bacon, fat free cheese, fat free little debbies, fat free milk, fat free sour cream, fat free butter, this list goes on. When I turned 16, I had a car. And my own money. And I discovered how delicious Denny’s was. And my love for Arby’s and all things terrible for you. So I went from FAT FREE processed foods to FULL FAT processed foods.

SO. Me being overweight, in my humble opinion, is 60% on me, and 40% on my health problems. A lot of times it is hard to get through the day at work because I feel so exhausted, so going home and cooking dinner AND making it to the gym doesn’t happen like I picture it will in my head. It’s a cycle where, in order to feel better, I need to lose weight. But in order to lose weight, I need to feel better. That is what I am faced with every day. I’m taking it one step at a time.

I know for myself, too many carbs and too much sugar make me feel even more tired. So I try to limit them when it’s plausible. I also know if I was able to eat completely clean, meaning unprocessed all of the way, I would probably improve some of my health problems.

Cutting out EVERY carb and going weeks at a time only drinking liquids just to see the scale change is not the answer. I realized that two years ago. So I know this will be a longer process than I am used to. But what I am used to is absolutely TERRIBLE for my insides. And I realize now that my insides are what matters. Fix them, and the outside will fix itself. People spend too much time dieting to change their outside. To see the circumference of their thighs change, to see their double chin become only one chin. Those things are SUPER great. But if what you’re feeding yourself is wrecking your internal organs, it won’t matter how small you feel. Because you’ll FEEL like garbage and it will show.

As you know, I will never give up my bakery cake, my giant juicy cheese burgers and the occasional record shaped cookies. I just know now that to counteract that, I need to eat a lot of fresh veggies, fruit, grass fed beef, antibiotic free chicken and fresh seafood.

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA or a doctor blah blah blah. I’m speaking from my personal experience.

Be back soon with a NOT depressing post about FOOOOOD. Our favorite.

 

xo

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One thought on “The Dark Side

  1. Don’t forget my beautiful daughter that because of me you were also born with more fat cells than a normal infant so you were brought in to this world with a battle ahead of you. Only gaining 19’bs while pregnant with you because I did eat healthy..it was a little to late. Sorry 😢

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